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I took a Christmas hiatus from blogging, but I am now reminded by my darling girls worriedly crying that “I HAVE to start making my valentine’s… it’s almost February!” that I need to quickly post one specific Christmas story before January comes to an end and paper hearts and chocolates cloud my memory of the jolly lessons I learned over the Christmas season. This particular lesson starts in October… It was a dreary and rainy day at the State Fair in Dallas, Texas, but our hearts were full of sunshine as the Smith family of five embarked on our first adventure to the fair. The girls loved every minute from the funnel cake to eyes peeled in wonder at the talking Big Tex, herald of the State Fair, to the dog shows and first experiences with carnival rides. Shrieks of glee and glorious smiles adorned their shivering faces as they licked ice cream that was in no danger of melting any time soon, a reminder that the weather was quite unusual for this time of year. The last thing that we promised them was the first thing that they asked for, an opportunity to play some of the carnival games in hopes of winning “the huge sprinkle unicorn that is so big that you can sit on it like the one that my friend got when her dad took her to the state fair…” If you have been following me for a while, you know that this was the rambling desire of my unicorn-loving oldest daughter, Lorelai. We played a couple of games, but luck was not on our side as far as obtaining the unicorn. We moved along to a carnival worker who promised us that his game was the easiest, with a guarantee win of the exact toy our daughter was describing. The rain was coming down harder and all signs from the younger siblings pointed to the fact that we had almost overstayed our welcome. So, we agreed. Daddy stepped up to the plate and glanced over at the hopeful faces staring at him in adoration, and his wife who was videoing the entire thing. He knew that he had to pop the balloons with the bean filled sacks and save the day! For all of his girls. And HE DID!  Pop! Pop! Pop! He got them all, and we all shouted! THEN the carnival worker said that in order to win the Huge Sprinkle Unicorn, he had to win 8 times. We had to buy $80 worth of tickets to win the prize, or we could “walk away with one of the small toys” he slimily said with a smirk towards the kids. I told Lorelai that we could not afford to play 8 more games and waited for her response. She looked at the man and us and, still beaming with pride for her dad,  selected a small Christmas M&M girl doll with high heels and thanked the man. As we left, I snarkily told the worker that I did not appreciate his lies and that I could easily get that unicorn for her on Amazon for a fraction of the price. In the car, still proud of my daughter’s response and my Amazon comment, I told Lorelai that she should ask Santa for the unicorn for Christmas. She brightened even more at that suggestion and proceeded to talk about this idea for the next two months…As November came around, I started to do what I believed to be a two second Amazon search for the unicorn. He was not there. He was not ANYWHERE. Ebay was selling a small version of our sprinkled friend for a very high dollar, but my Prime subscription was giving me nothing. Finally I found him on a carnival toy website and after several emails and calls I discovered that you CANNOT BUY CARNIVAL TOYS! They are exclusively sold to carnivals, and there were no shows anywhere near us before Christmas. Panic set in. What was I to do? If anyone deserved a giant sprinkle unicorn, it was my sweet, gracious daughter who had been waiting for months. It was the girl who kept her cool when she was lied to by the carnival worker and had her hopes dashed even when Daddy had won the game. But then I remembered our family rule when it came to Santa, “Santa will bring you what you ask for… or better!” Honestly, this was the first year that she had ever asked for something so specific. The rule had never really been needed before now, and even I needed reminding of it. So, I expanded my search to include large unicorns of any kind. Still… I could not find one that was remotely decent looking or affordable. I was losing hope and was dejectedly leaning towards settling on a medium sized unicorn looking stuffed animal. Thanksgiving came and my parents offered to keep my kids and niece and nephew while my sister and I and our husbands ventured to the Wal-Mart Black Friday sales on Thanksgiving evening. We did not really know what we wanted to find, but we took them up on an adventure out together anyway.  When we walked in…there it was! A Ginormous Rainbow  Unicorn. It was 3 times the size of the one at the State Fair and way more beautiful and magical looking than I remembered. It was the definition of”better!” in every way. I was not even going to have to sell it…one look at this unicorn and she would know that it was clearly superior to the sprinkled one she had desired. My sister and I stood by the unicorn until it was time to grab our purchases and hauled him to the check out. I could not wait for Christmas morning. When the long awaited morning finally rolled around, Lorelai found a note from Santa by her unicorn that said, “I thought you would enjoy this North Pole Unicorn more than the one from the State Fair!” When she saw him, the first thing she said was “He was right, this isn’t the one I wanted, this is even better!!” She could lay her whole body on top of her new friend, and they sleep together every night. But the greatest part of this story is that the Lord spoke to me through this experience. He paused me during the process and reminded me what a great lesson I was teaching my daughter. He made me realize that there was remarkable value to the “what you ask for or better” Santa rule. In fact, this way of believing would be crucial to her faith and prayer life as she grows, and mine as well. You see, when we look around the world, we have a lot of experiences that point us to believe that prayer “works.” And we see a lot of things that makes us doubt that He hears us at all. That is where faith has to reign in our hearts. He will give us the desire of our hearts or better. It is not just a rule to help parents avoid Santa discrepancies on Christmas morning, but a truth to our prayer lives. He hears us, but He knows everything. He has all love and all power, and what He gives us, if not our desire at the moment, will one day be proven better. See how a giant unicorn can totally enhance the prayer life of my kids? And that my friends, is how you convince your husband to buy the biggest unicorn you can find 🙂 #justkidding #thatoneisfree  In all seriousness, it is a spiritual truth found in the joyful eyes of a child on Christmas morning. If you think seeing them get exactly what they asked for is fun, you should try a “better.” It is priceless. I know Jesus cannot wait for that sparkle in our eyes, that uncontrollable squeal of joy that we will not be able to suppress when He reveals our better. It might be here, it might be heaven, but I have faith that it is. So what are you asking the Lord for with the persistence of a child waiting for Christmas? Does your heart truly believe that He will follow through… or better? Let yourself imagine either of those outcomes and let your heart get excited. It may be “I HAVE to start making valentine’s” season but Christmas morning is coming.

We may have three children, but we have yet to commit to the minivan. In fact we haven’t even committed to our children sitting in separate rows. That’s right, we have all three girls and their car seats and every stuffed animal, baby doll and book they own all situated in the 2nd row of our small SUV. The blessing and curse of this set up is that I can reach each of the kids relatively easily, and placing the oldest in the middle allows her the responsibility of handing out “exter” pacis or toys to her little sisters. Unfortunately, beloved animals, suddenly important books and essential pacis still fall beneath her grasp, and because it is so close  I just feel like I have to try and reach for what is lost in order to stop the melt down that is brewing over the object that was just vehemently dropped out of free will in the first place. Most of the time I am successful, however, there are some occasions when the object of desire flies on the passenger door side of the baby car seat and, try as I might, I cannot legally or safely get to that part of the car. Then things get really ugly. Fast. This is especially true of my youngest, Avonlea. She is still rear facing and cannot fathom why in the world I am not giving her what she needs. She has enough words to communicate her desire “paci, dwink, bears, book pease, pease, pease!”She knows that I am able to hear her, but she cannot see where it is or what is going on from my perspective. I do try to always place the diaper bag in a position that I can easily reach with my hand. So, as a last option, I can stir my hand around in the diaper bag to try and feel my way to something comparable to the dropped item. Then the funniest thing happens, Avonlea stops crying. The first time that I noticed this, I asked my oldest daughter if she had found a paci to give her, but she claimed that she had not given her anything. I was so happy that she calmed down that I removed my hand and kept driving. Instantly, she began screaming again! I put my hand back in the bag…silence. I finally realized that she was calm when she believed that I was working on solving the problem, when she could hear my hand rustling in the diaper bag, but she would cry when she could no longer hear my hand because she thought that I had stopped trying and would never meet her need. The Lord nudged me in that moment and said “Oh, she is just so much like you when you need something from me.” It is true. When I am really needing or wanting something that just seems so important and I persistently beg the Lord for it, I really do not understand why He will not give it to me. I need to remember that compared to His knowledge and wisdom I am”rear facing” and that His perspective is so much greater. I know in my mind that if He is asking  me to wait that He is doing so for my good and His glory, but my first response is to cry and scream and question why anyway. Avonlea helped me to understand that the reason I get so upset is not because of what I do not have but because somewhere along the way I have lost hope that He is working on a solution. I have allowed myself to doubt that His hand is moving. Because really that is all I need to know in order to wait in calm and peace and enjoy the ride. Whatever my desire. Whatever my need. If He has answered to wait, He can see what is ahead and His hand is stirring and working on a plan. He has not forgotten or given up, listen for the rustle. His hand is always in the diaper bag.

“Did you know that God actually made the world in only six days and that He got to rest on the seventh?” Lorelai asked sweetly from the backseat as we started a long road trip this past weekend. Before I could even answer or embark on what I expected to be a joyful discussion of the beauty of God’s creation, Lorelai continued her line of thinking with “You know, if it was me, I would have done it in 5 so that I could rest by Day 6!” Oh my goodness. John and I looked at each other and just busted out laughing. I told him that she was “such a Smith” thinking that if God could do it in 6 days, that she could do it in 5! However, once the initial laughter at that comment subsided, I began to really pray for Lorelai’s heart. Her words reflected not only a “Smith” trait, but a human condition to truly believe that our timing is surely better than God’s, especially when we are looking to the end result. You see, Lorelai’s main reason for doubling up the work on day 5 was to get to the rest earlier. I mean, why wouldn’t God just work faster if He gets to rest at the end? Why drag it out for 6 whole days? Why put off the rest? While I know that God is all powerful and could have done it all with excellence on Day 1, I am glad that He didn’t take any shortcuts on that 6th day, the day of making mankind. He loves us so much and took His time in molding us and breathing life into us, and this teaches us such an important lesson. When we are doing the work of God, there is no need to rush. It is not better to finish it faster. The next thing He has for us, even if it is rest after a long labor, is not the goal. The goal is to enjoy the work that God has for us right now. Often times our standard is to check things off the list as fast as possible in order to enjoy what comes next, and so we rush the process and forget to relish the joy of doing life with Him. Other times, we find ourselves in situations where God has promised us rest or change from a season we are in, and we start questioning why things remain the same with no end in sight. And, just like Lorelai, we assume that God just never thought about doing it our way and that if He was as smart as us that He would have finished His work faster and moved us along to where we want to be. And so we pray from a heart that is waiting for God to come around to our way of thinking instead of a grateful heart that is thankful for what God has provided right now. Oh how I do not want this posture of prayer for my children. Those simple words from Lorelai have prompted me to pray for all of my girls in a new way- that when they find themselves questioning the Lord’s timing in a season of their lives, that they would humbly approach the Lord in faith, knowing that His ways are higher and better. I pray that they would grow up to be women who are grateful and content and seek to be more like the Lord, not for the Lord to be more like them. Meanwhile, I also pray that the Lord will mold the hearts of their parents to model this for them while they are young….I would like Him to have completed that work in us already, that’s what I would have done, but I guess I will enjoy Him as He takes His time molding us into His likeness and chuckle when I get antsy and He gently reminds me of how silly I sound by whispering  “I would have done it in 5!”

Plump pumpkins assumed their seasonal positions in every available corner of the 66 acre Arboretum just minutes from our house. Mondays at the Arboretum have become a fall tradition for the Smith girls, complete with a myriad of photo attempts, face-painting, a musical sing-along session and a delightful trip to the petting zoo portion of the pumpkin filled masterpiece. So many miracles occurred on our first trip of October, including the large feat  of finding three coordinating pumpkin outfits and shoes and bows that not only fit all three of the girls but also met their expectations of what they wanted to wear (reminder my girls are 5, 3 and 1), that I should not have been surprised by the end of the trip. We even managed to get a shot of everyone looking at the camera and had enough snacks to last us for the entire experience. The activities were wrapping up, and the baby was rubbing her eyes, eager for what appeared to be a fabulously long afternoon nap, and we embarked on our stroll to the parking lot. By the time we got to the car, everyone was a bit needy for water, rest, more snacks and just to be home! I unloaded each girl, buckled the littles into car-seats and manhandled the double-made-triple stroller into the back of the car as the whines and cries started to intensify. We may have stayed a few minutes too long. My nerves were rising, but we were only 8 minutes from home and all would be well soon. Or so I thought until I heard that Avonlea, the baby, was not just crying for sleep but was crying out one word “shoe, shoe, shoe!” I looked down, and sure enough she was only wearing one of her boots. I searched all over the car and under the car for any chance that we would not have to unload everyone back into the stroller to search for the boot. What did I find? Avonlea’s paci under the car and NO boot. Great. We were going to have to get everyone back out WITHOUT a paci! . I mustered up what little strength I had left and got all of the girls back in the stroller and headed toward the entrance. On our way back, we ran into a friend who offered to look for us, but she did not find the boot and only left a number with the lost and found. I debated going home, but by this time the baby was sleeping in the stroller, so we just went in and took one last look. As we scoured the area to no avail, Lorelai, my five- year old, said “I think we should try that praying thing.” Why did it take us all of this time to realize that we could just ask the Lord for help? I am so thankful for her faith and her reminder that God cares about everything that is important to us, including our lost boot and need for naptime. So, we prayed and walked back to the car, buckled in and headed home. Before we even made it to the driveway, I got a message that the boot was found and being held for us at the information desk. The Lord answered Lorelai’s prayers, but the thought of going back to the Arboretum on that day made me want to cry, so we went home and planned to go the following day. However, during the next day, I could not find a time to go pick up the boot. I kept planning to head out at different points and then something would come up and derail our trip. It was late afternoon before we were able to squeeze in a quick trip to grab the boot on our way to pick up Lorelai from Kindergarten. Upon arrival, we found the kindest lady who led us on a very long trail to the lost and found, housed in the back of the offices of the Arboretum. While two other women searched for the boot, the first lady told me of all of the different things that have made their way back to the lost and found, including a baby doll that she had found earlier that day. Finally, the women walked over to one more clear plastic tote that contained a very “loved” baby in a blue outfit right next to our black boot! “There it is!” I pointed excitedly. The lady brought us the boot, and we surprisingly had 10 extra minutes that we could spend playing among the pumpkins before we needed to head to Kindergarten car line. We had a great time, and started back toward the car when I saw a frantic mom with two toddlers. I overheard her saying “I don’t know where else to look! We might have to leave without the baby!” I walked over to her and asked if she had lost a baby doll. The look on her face was priceless. “Yes! YES! We lost a baby and have been walking around all afternoon asking everyone if they have seen it! Have you seen a baby doll???” I asked her if the baby was wearing a blue outfit, and she looked like tears of joy were going to start rolling any minute. She turned to her children and exclaimed, ” This lady has seen Baby Toot! I think we have found Baby Toot!” Oh my goodness.  This was already an exceptional moment, but the rhyming put it over the top. My writer’s mind was going wild with the possibilities, come on, Baby Toot and the Lost Boot? No way was this real. I directed her to the lost and found where she connected with the kind lady from earlier who then led her to Baby Toot while my daughters and I headed towards the car. As we rode along, we talked about how incredible it was to be a part of finding the missing baby for that family. We even decided that it was worth it to lose Avonlea’s boot and all of the stress that went with that ordeal just to be the ones who were able to deliver the good news of Baby Toot’s whereabouts to her owner. Then an amazing conversation flowed about how sometimes God allows difficult things to happen so that we can be a part of helping other people who might go through the same things and that the joy of being a part of sharing His good news is totally worth any hardship we may endure. He knew all along that this family would need some help directing them to their baby doll and that we would find so much joy in being a part of that process. He knew what time to send us back for the boot and that we would be grateful for every obstacle in the end. This is true for all of us. God invites us to join Him in His work, to seek and save that which is lost, and it is a joy to do this work with Him. Now, when I find myself in a season when hardship is setting me up to help someone else in the future instead of the more preferred moments of witnessing someone rejoice at receiving good news, God can remind me of His promises to work all things out for good by whispering our new catch phrase straight to my heart , “Baby Toot and the Lost Boot.”

Rainbows and Unicorns everywhere!! This was the theme for Lorelai’s 5th birthday party last March. We had spent months planning and preparing for the occasion, and I am not sure who was more excited, the birthday girl or her party planning loving mother! Anyone who knows me well, knows that organizing an event with a theme fills me with an unusual amount of energy and passion! I come by it honestly as my mother is fondly, and appropriately, known as “the theme Queen” and my mother-in-law could outfit a themed event before you could even complete an initial Pintrest search. Between the three of us, my girls have had some incredible birthdays. However, the down side to our passionate planning, is that every detail becomes really important. For this particular party, the only way to fit all of the guests and rainbow-unicorn activities at our house was to have the majority of the party outside. Invitations were sent, Amazon boxes lined the entry way, decorations were cut and prepped, and the menu was planned. Lorelai was giddy with joy. It was the week before the event, and I checked the weather….Rain….So Much Rain…my phone was mocking my meticulous planning with little icons of lightening and clouds covering the entire weekend of our outdoor celebration. I had a little panic, searched for a backup venue in vain, and finally went to Lorelai and told her that there was a chance of rain. We sat together and prayed. We asked that God would bring us clear skies for her birthday or show us the perfect Plan B. Now, I admit that my words were full of faith that it would all work out while I prayed with her, but in my heart I was worried and plotting and planning and trying to figure out what I could do to make everything perfect for the day, not ever truly stopping to consider what the Lord would do. Every day, I checked my phone, some days a sunshine would appear, but then it would go right back to a cloud or lightening. I was driving myself crazy checking it and continuously praying from a place of worry instead of a place of faith. Finally, I realized that the Lord was not going to give me an answer until I truly left it in His hands. He was the only one who knew the weather and could control it. My frantic phone checks and faithless prayers were accomplishing nothing. He whispered “I got this. Trust me more than your weather app. Keep preparing to celebrate your daughter and let Me handle the rest.” So, I did. I got everything ready. We didn’t check the weather again. On the day of the party, I woke up and knew that the rain from the night before and the clouds in the sky did not look good. But the party would not start until 2pm, and there was still a chance that we could continue as planned. I decided that I should check my app for the hourly report and make a final call on whether or not we would pack everyone inside, or if I could go in the yard and start hanging decorations. When I opened the app, I could not help but laugh. There were pictures of partial cloud coverage with sunshine everywhere all morning and early afternoon… then there it was, 2 o’clock with a 40% chance of rain. I knew the Lord was laughing and telling me, that I was not going to get a way with having a definite answer until the party started. I was going to have to trust Him until the very last minute. My ability to control the situation did not change just because we were closer to the event, I still needed Him, and we had never developed a very strong Plan B. So, I decorated with muddy feet and a heart of faith that He truly did care about such a small thing as a five-year old’s birthday party. I believed that He was going to use this trivial situation to teach me how to pray in faith when the odds are against me, trusting that He is fully in control. There is never a minute where my planning is more powerful than His. I knew then that 1:59 would not mean that I needed to take over and make it happen. He was still there, and my job was still to rely on Him. 2’oclock came, Lorelai eagerly welcomed her guests in her rainbow dress complete with unicorn headband, and she led them outside to enjoy a beautiful day of celebration. As we walked into our backyard, I was so excited to show her that it was not raining! However, she wasn’t surprised. Her childlike faith had never wavered from the first prayer. She knew He would come through, and now I do too. Throughout the day of celebration, one more decoration appeared in the sky, a rainbow. I guess I get my attention to detail and desire to make my children smile from Him as well. He is the true Theme King! The theme of loving us is in every detail, even when things don’t turn out the way we planned, sometimes His plan B is better than our Plan A. Since March, He has been reminding me of this lesson. In the little moments like getting Lorelai’s Kindergarten class list and realizing that she did not get the teacher or friend she wanted only to get a reminder from the school that the list would not be finalized until school actually started, He just speaks to my heart and says “2 o’clock with a 40% chance of rain.” Then I relax and simply hand it over to Him in peace and stop trying to control it in panic. And when the first day came and she had the friend she wanted and the teacher we did not expect but was a perfect fit in such specific ways that I could never have planned, I saw our rainbow. I know that my kids are growing and that the ways that I will want to keep them from disappointment and pain will grow exponentially and that the Lord is teaching me this now so that He can whisper our inside weather report phrase at a time when the situation is much more dire than a party or Kindergarten schedule, and I am so thankful that He is preparing me to trust Him in every detail along the way.