Author: freshpaintandfriedchicken

From the moment my daughter was born there were two debates in our marriage that I instantly won: 1. We would be keeping every single one of my prom dresses for future dress-up parties and 2. We would DEFINITELY be going to Disney World for a family vacation. I know that boys also enjoy Disney World, but my husband and his brothers experienced their own brand of fun family vacations that did not include the awe-inspiring experience of meeting and dining with your favorite princesses, and he had yet to see the necessity of spending what could have been a college fund for a family trip. I, however, had enjoyed this unmatchable experience with my sister and knew that it was a momentous and magical highlight of childhood that could not be missed. So, for 6 and a half years I have waited. And waited. As two more daughters have been born, I have tossed and turned and sought counsel from other Disney going moms about when the right, no the PERFECT, moment to take my girls would appear. I spent way too much time worrying if the oldest would be too old or the youngest too young, the summer too hot, October too scary, missing school too stressful, and the moment never felt quite right until I woke up one morning and my oldest just looked, older, and I  knew that we were approaching the closing of a window on the magic of Disney being at its peak of magic, and suddenly all other factors were eliminated. In a panic, I woke my husband with stacks of papers filled with numbers and budgets I had received from my college roomie, AKA Disney Travel Planner Extraordinaire, and I told him that we just had to make it happen and soon! After I explained what “it” was, he doesn’t live in my brain where Disney World timing had infiltrated all major life decisions, he said that we could look into it but probably not for this summer. I put a pin in the actual planning while all along still longing for the day that we would be there at the Magic Kingdom, feet away from the palace, ears in place, ready for the perfect picture!

Meanwhile, God knew the desire of my heart and had an even more perfect plan put in motion. You see, a few weeks later we received a call from our closest friends from our trip to Israel in April. They were going to be traveling for work in America in July. My husband said that we should find out where they would be so we could spend time together, investing in our new friendship. One international text later, I received a two-word reply that changed our summer: Sarasota, Florida. Their trip was coming so soon, and three car-seats in an airport sounded like a special kind of nightmare that neither of us were willing to endure, so we drove the 18 hour trip to Sarasota. Our first family of 5 vacation, and we were headed to the beach! You have to understand that before I even knew the name of this couple we would be working with in Israel, I had been praying for a deep friendship to develop from the partnership, a close mom friend from another place and another faith with whom I could do life through international texts and trips. My heart was full of hope that the Lord would bless our friendship during our time in Israel, and my expectations were beyond met. I remember leaving their home on our last night in Jerusalem and crying on the steps, already missing the bond we had enjoyed. So, when we pulled up to the beach a mere 3 months after we met, and saw our friends casually walking up to us on the shores of Sarasota, Florida, my heart was about to bust. We had a great day at the beach, and then a dinner where I was preoccupied with a fussy baby (18 hours in a car plus a day at the beach does not lend to a well-behaved toddler at a fancy restaurant) when I overheard my daughter start a conversation with our adult friends by saying ” I would love to tell you a story” and proceeded to open her heart and share her stories of the Garden of Eden, to Jesus calming the sea and the joy of His return.  Later we enjoyed a late night Target run and an early morning Starbucks chat. Are you really mom friends if you haven’t meandered through Target together or solved all of your parenting dilemmas at a Starbucks? I think not. Our time together was multiplied, our conversation life-giving and our hearts- well, full does not even begin to describe it.

But get this- when we parted with our friends the next day we traveled the short hour and a half drive from Sarasota to ORLANDO and did DISNEY WORLD! We stayed in a Little Mermaid suite and took the kids to the Magic Kingdom. We ate with Cinderella, danced with the prince, saw my  kids eyes light up even brighter than I had imagined and relished the fireworks over the castle. We got that perfect “ear” picture and rode “Its  Small Word” in all its wonder. Every princess was met and autograph books were signed. Other than the extreme heat, near dehydration, the paper straws (that’s a whole other blog post) and pushing an empty stroller while hauling three kids who refused to ride in it and desperately needed a nap, it was perfect. Disney was great, but you see most of our Florida story was about a Kingdom of a different kind. When God blessed us with true friendship and allowed stories of His goodness to flow between us, even from my daughter who just couldn’t help but speak of the Lord, what we had was greater than any man-made kingdom. Our trip peaked in Sarasota with the  bonus fun of Orlando because the Kingdom of God is found in loving others well and recounting the stories of the goodness of God with the people He has given you to love. And this can happen anywhere.

So, to my friends who are still waiting for the perfect Disney trip and wondering if it is ever going to fit the schedule or the budget, yes, it’s fun, but what the Lord has for you is even more magical, not just for you but for your kids too. We all have things that we think our kids just HAVE to experience, but let your joy be in relishing what He has planned specifically for your family.  It might just fill you more than you know. And to my friends who have checked Disney off the list, or some other highly anticipated milestone, enjoy the memories, but do not dwell on the fact that it is over. Because, to quote how my six year old finished her story at dinner, “even if you read the whole Bible, it is only half over because He is coming back, and if you believe, you can be part of the story too!” Hearing echoes of His kingdom flow from the heart of my daughter filled a desire in my heart that I had not even voiced. May His kingdom come in your families and His plans for you exceed every wish that your heart makes.

“I do it MYSELF!” screams every toddler everywhere, including my now fully two-year old, Avonlea. Independence is a hallmark of the development of a two-year old, and while it is something we long for our kids to achieve, it is also incredibly cringe-worthy and sometimes downright infuriating to watch develop. Once your child hits this stage of desiring to do all of the things that you normally do for them with a quick one handed swoop all by themselves, your schedule drastically changes. All of a sudden changing a diaper goes from something you have mastered and barely even think about to at least a 10 minute event in which you stand by helplessly as Miss Independent reaches for the “tabbies” and goes through multiple attempts before being pleased with her diaper application and then another five minutes of perfecting the skill of pulling up her pants over the diaper all on her own as well. These humbling moments in parenting allow me to learn that the main parenting skill I have yet to master is that of patience. The term “fake it til you make it” comes to mind as I put on a big smile while inwardly I want to throw a full blown mom-sized tantrum and scream “Just Let me do it, MYSELF!” Let’s be honest- sometimes that is exactly what ends up happening. While there are countless examples of the independence assertion that  is happening in my house right now, the hardest for me to handle is the car-seat. If we are at the point in the day when everyone has pottied and is fully dressed with both shoes on, and I have the car completely loaded with a stocked diaper bag, snacks, water and stroller and we are about to leave the house for a destination, I am just ready to go before we need another potty break or diaper change. Unfortunately, Avonlea does not quite have my sense of urgency. She wants to climb in the car HERSELF, she wants to slide down into her seat HERSELF, she wants to buckle her top buckle HERSELF…This takes a long time…like a REALLY long time. A few weeks ago, I was headed to pick up my oldest daughter from school and BOTH of my youngest daughters were working hard on independently climbing into and buckling themselves, and I just needed to get on the road.  I had a great reason, my other child was going to be left standing alone in car line waiting on me, wondering where I was and worried. With this and my strict adherence to punctuality in mind, I  took matters into my own hands. I gave them one last chance to actually get buckled before I used mom-force to put them in their seats. If you have a toddler, you know the drill, I put one hand on the child while they are trying to  buck out of the seat and use my other hand to force arms into the straps then release the first hand to quickly buckle all the buckles! As the minutes are ticking by and the cries are getting louder, this whole process is making my blood pressure rise, and I know that my face is not one of love, but all I can think about is getting on the road and to the school on time. That was the goal! Once they were all safely buckled, and I started to back out of the garage, my middle daughter cries out, “Mommy! Mommy!” and in my mind I am thinking, I know she is going to complain, but I was totally justified- we have places to be and I gave them every opportunity to get in their seats. But then she said something that I could not deny, “Mommy, you were not kind.” Wow. She was right, and there was no justification for that particular complaint. Mommy having to put the kids in their car seats so that they are safe and sister is picked up from school on time- that I could explain. But Mommy’s unkind frustration? I could not rationalize that one. I apologized to my girls, and then I started to pray. I thanked God for being the better parent, for not using force, even though He can, even though He is bigger and justified. Though there are some examples of righteous force, this is not typically His parenting style. He is slow to anger, and it is His kindness that leads to repentance. So many times I look around the world and wonder why He doesn’t just do something with all of the evil around us. Why doesn’t he just force people to make the right decisions? I know He has the knowledge of what is happening and the power to stop it. Right there, in a fragile voice coming from a mangled car-seat was my answer, it would not be kind, and Jesus is always kind. I do not always understand what He is doing or NOT doing, but I do believe in His power, wisdom and ultimately, His kindness. In my best efforts to do the things that anyone would see as “right”: putting my kids in their car seats and being on time to pick up my daughter from kindergarten, I still failed at the most important thing, kindness. Jesus is the perfect balance of right and kind, and I long to sit at His feet and learn from Him. And no matter how many things I have to do myself before I get settled in my seat, He will not grow frustrated but will welcome me with kindness. To all my goal-oriented moms out there, let us learn that no matter what our plan is, kindness is the goal. With this is mind, we will succeed every time.

Let’s continue the discussion in the comments:

What act of independence assertion in your children causes you to struggle with kindness in your home?

How do you make kindness towards your children the goal when other daily goals are competing for your attention?

Back Story – Last week, my husband and I had the life-changing opportunity to spend a week and a half touring, serving and developing deep friendships in the land of Israel. I could write unending stories of what the Lord revealed to us and allowed us to be a part of during our time there, but from the very first day, I knew instantly what the Lord wanted me to bring back to my mom friends, so this is what I am going to share with you.

12 days. I was called to leave my three precious girls for 12 whole, consecutive days while I served with my husband in Israel. One of those days was my middle daughter’s 4th birthday. As if being the middle child is not damaging enough, her parents abandoned her on her birthday. She didn’t even get a last night as 3, the very minute you turned 4 picture with mommy and Facebook post! The horror! If you have read my blog for very long, you know that I am not exaggerating when I say that birthdays are a big deal to this mom! So, while you might be thinking that 12 days off from parenting three strong-willed toddlers might be nice, the reality of actually leaving your little loves for that long and from that far away is quite heart-wrenching. Of course, they were left in a safe, loving, fun place with grandparents who would ensure that every day, especially the birthday would be full of more crafts and baking and fun adventures than one could count, but that did not lessen the worry or the sorrow of leaving them for so long. Hence, before we even left for the Holy Land, the Lord had to work on my heart to let go of worry. Right before we left, I sang “Tis so Sweet to Trust In Jesus” with Avonlea as I rocked her to nap and explained that I would not be there when she woke up because I was going to spend time with Jesus and share His love on the other side of the world. She went down so easy, and the peace was already evident in her even breathing and little smile as she went to sleep, sweetly trusting that it would all be okay. Next, I went to Lorelai and Scarlett and pulled them aside to pray with them before I got in the car. I held them tight and prayed that God would protect them and use and protect me and Daddy while we were gone and then prayed that they would grow to love and follow Jesus wherever He might call them. I prayed that He would be preparing them for whatever adventures He has in store for them and that they would be obedient to the calls, both small and large upon their lives as they serve and worship Him. They were excited for us and happy to have their week with grandparents, yet I was still sad. I cried as we pulled out. I had said all of the right words, but my heart still missed them and worried about them. Did I leave the right car seats? Did I give enough instructions about their medication? And on.. and on… I continued the back and forth between excitement about the trip and worry about my kids until we reached our first touring spot, an uncovered first century home in the town of Nazareth. It may or may not be the actual home that Jesus grew up in, but it is the style of homes from the time period of His childhood in His hometown, so I was able to imagine Jesus and new mother Mary running around in this type of house. What I did not expect was for there to be stairs. It was a two-story home, and everything was made of STONE. My eyes were just fixated on the stone staircase in the middle of a stone house with jagged edges everywhere, and the deepest theological thought I could muster was “THIS WAS BEFORE BABY GATES!” Mary parented toddler Jesus in a two-story, stone death trap without baby gates. And He was fine because God had a plan and was protecting Him. He foreknew His entire life and the cross and ensured that Jesus would make it through toddler-hood, no baby gate needed.  And in that moment, the Lord spoke to my heart. It was as if He tapped me on the shoulder to pull my eyes away from those hazardous stairs and said, “It is no different for your kids than it was for Mine, I know their future, I have a plan for them, and I am protecting them. In fact, I am not watching them harder or closer because you aren’t there, I am always watching them with all of my power and all of my love no matter where you are. They are not less safe because you are across the world. You may be their mother, but I am their Creator. Do not worry. I haven’t gone anywhere.”  In reality, prior to seeing those stone steps, I have never looked at the life of Jesus and thought “It’s a good thing Mary was such a good mom because if she had taken her eyes off of Him for a minute, He might not have ever even started His ministry, much less made it to Calvary!” No, I have always fully believed that God was sustaining Him until His mission was finished. Why would that be any different for my children? It is not all on me any more than it was all on Mary. My eyes went back to the stairs, and my worry started to unravel. I needed this lesson, not just when I am on the other side of the world but when it is a random Wednesday and I have to go the bathroom and they are alone in the other room or the baby just made a weird breathing noise, but it is time to let her sleep in her own room, or I have to drop off two daughters at school  next year and drive away. He has called me to be their mom, to care for and protect them always, but He has not called me to do it alone, and the reality is that my part pales in comparison to how much He loves and cares for them and me, every second of every day. He does not sleep ( I mean, I can relate, but not on that level) and He does not leave. He is not limited in His patience (struggling to relate there) or power, and He loves me and my children. I choose to walk in that truth, whether I am walking right beside them on a safe trail over the summer or as I am walking away as they go into a school 20 miles away near one of the busiest intersections in America.

This was DAY ONE of our trip. A few days later, we got to see something else that solidified this truth. There is a story in Isaiah of a king named Hezekiah who was being attacked by a foreign army. Isaiah foretold that God’s people would not be defeated and that Hezekiah did not need to build a wall for his protection. However, Hezekiah did not listen. He just could not resist to put up that baby gate. The remnants of the wall that he ended up building still exist in Jerusalem. I was able to stand right there next to it and see where Hezekiah chose to ignore the prophesy of Isaiah and instead chose to spend His time, energy and resources on a wall. The wall is probably still standing because it was not attacked. Despite Hezekiah’s attempt to protect himself, the Lord was still faithful to His promise and  sent His angel army to protect the city, and the enemy was utterly defeated before ever reaching Hezekiah.  The next day, he woke up to a victory and a useless wall.  Again, the Lord spoke to me and said, “see what I told you about those baby gates! Yes, protect your children, yes put up a gate so that your children are as safe as possible, but your trust in Me should be so much greater than your trust in your gates and barriers and all that they symbolize. If putting up a gate gives you peace, how much more should coming to Me in prayer and laying your children at my throne? Let your peace come from the One who is able above all else, and that peace will pass all understanding.”  True peace in parenting must come when we spend more waking moments praying for our children than we do spinning our wheels, trying to be one step ahead of any danger they may face.

We went on to see a lot of significant walls on our trip. In fact my husband was fondly known as “the one who loves walls” by the tour guides! By far, the most famous one we visited was the Western Wall where people from all over the world come to pray and feel close to the presence of the Lord. It is quite an incredible experience, to stand and pray in such a sacred place, and I am honored and thankful that I had the opportunity to spend time with Him there, but I am also thankful that He chooses to walk with me at home as well. So, from a mom who was blessed to spend time in Israel, I want to leave you with this final truth, while there is a time and place for each of these things, ultimately, there is no baby gate that can guarantee to protect your children, no military wall that will unequivocally protect your nation, and no sacred wall required for you to come before the throne of God and lay down all of your worries and failures before Him and walk in daily relationship with Him.

May it be said of every mom reading this page…”Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” Psalm 20:7

Last year, I promised my husband that this year we would combine the birthday parties of my three girls into one event. You see, I can be a bit of a birthday momzilla when it comes to ensuring that my daughter’s birthdays are celebrated perfectly. I want everyone we know to feel included and the theme to be impeccably executed and magical memories to be captured flawlessly. I work countless hours to ensure that the birthday girl is filled with joy and celebration, all possibilities of any disappointment  on her big day extinguished. I can put out those fires with the best of them and truly delight in all of the prep that comes with making them feel fully celebrated. As spring approached, I was not sure that I could keep my “one event” promise as each girl started planning for this year’s birthdays with glee, but then I came up with the perfect plan: we would have one giant “Ball for All!” We would decorate it like Cinderella’s ball and have a hot pink castle cake and music and dancing! They were sold, and the fabulous season of anticipation began! We spent a month planning every detail and grabbing up every strand of twinkle lights we could find. My sister donated the chandeliers from her wedding and my mother chipped in all of her golden serving pieces and a giant castle centerpiece while my mother-in-law loaded up our car with glass slippers, clocks, pumpkins and pink tablecloths. Our Nissan Pathfinder just screamed Royal Ball! By the time Amazon graciously delivered the rest of the  supplies at our front door, there was nothing that could stop this event.  My mom and I stayed up until 1am the night before the ball, adding all of the lights and final touches, making sure that the girls’ eyes would light up with wonder when they came rolling in the door in their carriage wagon. The day of the ball arrived, and a fire I could not put out descended. Lorelai spiked a fever! She spent the whole morning that was set aside for making the food together, at the doctor with her dad. I worked with the other two princesses until she came home, weak and sick. The doctor found that she had a recurring infection, something not contagious, thankfully, and she was put on medication. Amazingly, she felt much better after some medicine and rest and was able to help with the final set up. She even lit up with joy getting ready  in her ballgown and tiara! We arrived, and they had their big entrance, joy flooded their eyes as they saw the ball, and they had a wonderful time until  the fever returned, and my oldest princess ended up slow dancing on my shoulder, unable to muster a single twirl. There was nothing I could do to fix this moment, but I so loved holding her and swaying to the music. An hour and Motrin later, she perked up again and enjoyed the last part of the party. Scarlett and Avonlea had the best time. I got to witness their twirls and laughter as they whipped across the dance floor. There was a lot of joy in the day, but it was tainted by something out of my control, a fever and a sick little girl who did not get to fully enjoy the day and ultimately just wanted to go home. This morning, Lorelai asked me when Jesus would defeat Satan, you know, typical on the way to school question for that one, and the Lord flooded me with truth from their birthday ball. I told her that Satan had already been defeated when Jesus rose from the dead but that until Jesus returns again and establishes His kingdom, Satan would still have small victories here like sickness, sin and temporary death. I explained it to her like this. It is like the Ball for All. It was beautiful and glorious and fun, but it wasn’t perfect because we do not live in a perfect world yet, no matter how hard Mommy tried to make it feel that way for your day. Sickness snuck in and had a small victory over our joy, but that just makes us long for heaven more, to long for the return of Jesus in a greater way.  Our ball was beautiful with all of the gold-tinted decor, but His ball will be covered with real streets of gold. Our ball had a cute pumpkin filled with small marshmallows labeled “pearl stud earrings.” His ball will have real extraordinary pearl gates! And so we are grateful for the joy we have here, but we are not paralyzed by the disappointments because they just point us to the fullness of joy and celebration that is coming. You see, when He returns and we join Him in the Wedding Feast, the eternal Ball for All, it is going to be perfect. There will be no sickness, sadness, pain or death. We will not want to go home. We will BE home. Will you join me in this season of anticipation? After all, it is going to be the best celebration ever, and everyone who knows Him will be there, spread the word. You won’t be disappointed.