“I do it MYSELF!” screams every toddler everywhere, including my now fully two-year old, Avonlea. Independence is a hallmark of the development of a two-year old, and while it is something we long for our kids to achieve, it is also incredibly cringe-worthy and sometimes downright infuriating to watch develop. Once your child hits this stage of desiring to do all of the things that you normally do for them with a quick one handed swoop all by themselves, your schedule drastically changes. All of a sudden changing a diaper goes from something you have mastered and barely even think about to at least a 10 minute event in which you stand by helplessly as Miss Independent reaches for the “tabbies” and goes through multiple attempts before being pleased with her diaper application and then another five minutes of perfecting the skill of pulling up her pants over the diaper all on her own as well. These humbling moments in parenting allow me to learn that the main parenting skill I have yet to master is that of patience. The term “fake it til you make it” comes to mind as I put on a big smile while inwardly I want to throw a full blown mom-sized tantrum and scream “Just Let me do it, MYSELF!” Let’s be honest- sometimes that is exactly what ends up happening. While there are countless examples of the independence assertion that is happening in my house right now, the hardest for me to handle is the car-seat. If we are at the point in the day when everyone has pottied and is fully dressed with both shoes on, and I have the car completely loaded with a stocked diaper bag, snacks, water and stroller and we are about to leave the house for a destination, I am just ready to go before we need another potty break or diaper change. Unfortunately, Avonlea does not quite have my sense of urgency. She wants to climb in the car HERSELF, she wants to slide down into her seat HERSELF, she wants to buckle her top buckle HERSELF…This takes a long time…like a REALLY long time. A few weeks ago, I was headed to pick up my oldest daughter from school and BOTH of my youngest daughters were working hard on independently climbing into and buckling themselves, and I just needed to get on the road. I had a great reason, my other child was going to be left standing alone in car line waiting on me, wondering where I was and worried. With this and my strict adherence to punctuality in mind, I took matters into my own hands. I gave them one last chance to actually get buckled before I used mom-force to put them in their seats. If you have a toddler, you know the drill, I put one hand on the child while they are trying to buck out of the seat and use my other hand to force arms into the straps then release the first hand to quickly buckle all the buckles! As the minutes are ticking by and the cries are getting louder, this whole process is making my blood pressure rise, and I know that my face is not one of love, but all I can think about is getting on the road and to the school on time. That was the goal! Once they were all safely buckled, and I started to back out of the garage, my middle daughter cries out, “Mommy! Mommy!” and in my mind I am thinking, I know she is going to complain, but I was totally justified- we have places to be and I gave them every opportunity to get in their seats. But then she said something that I could not deny, “Mommy, you were not kind.” Wow. She was right, and there was no justification for that particular complaint. Mommy having to put the kids in their car seats so that they are safe and sister is picked up from school on time- that I could explain. But Mommy’s unkind frustration? I could not rationalize that one. I apologized to my girls, and then I started to pray. I thanked God for being the better parent, for not using force, even though He can, even though He is bigger and justified. Though there are some examples of righteous force, this is not typically His parenting style. He is slow to anger, and it is His kindness that leads to repentance. So many times I look around the world and wonder why He doesn’t just do something with all of the evil around us. Why doesn’t he just force people to make the right decisions? I know He has the knowledge of what is happening and the power to stop it. Right there, in a fragile voice coming from a mangled car-seat was my answer, it would not be kind, and Jesus is always kind. I do not always understand what He is doing or NOT doing, but I do believe in His power, wisdom and ultimately, His kindness. In my best efforts to do the things that anyone would see as “right”: putting my kids in their car seats and being on time to pick up my daughter from kindergarten, I still failed at the most important thing, kindness. Jesus is the perfect balance of right and kind, and I long to sit at His feet and learn from Him. And no matter how many things I have to do myself before I get settled in my seat, He will not grow frustrated but will welcome me with kindness. To all my goal-oriented moms out there, let us learn that no matter what our plan is, kindness is the goal. With this is mind, we will succeed every time.
Let’s continue the discussion in the comments:
What act of independence assertion in your children causes you to struggle with kindness in your home?
How do you make kindness towards your children the goal when other daily goals are competing for your attention?
freshpaintandfriedchicken 